Parsing The Gift of Soap

Ever get the gift of soap from someone and wonder, "What exactly is this person trying to say?"

My friend Shash and I talked about this last weekend over a bottle of wine. I was sharing stories about my fiance-to-be's family, you know, things that would give her a sense about the family I'd be joining. (We went ring shopping, so barring a natural disaster, a proposal is imminent.) And so I mentioned that my FFIL (future father-in-law) has given me body wash/soap sets for Christmas every year since I started dating his son. We're at five plus years now.

"What, does he think you stink?" she asked jokingly.

"That's what I said!" I replied in mock horror. We had a real good belly laugh over it. Until she said, "Well, it makes sense."

Hold up. Wha?

It's an impersonal nice gift, she explained. He can't possibly judge how serious you two are, nor does he know you well enough to know your hobbies or things you'd like. So he gets you Bath and Body Works. It's a nice gift, shows he was thinking about you.

I think you're onto something, I told her, but in my heart, I felt a little twinge. I truly do appreciate every gift he's given me, even though I did at first wonder if he was trying to give me a hint. But you'd think, over time, that soap wouldn't be the go-to gift. The FH (future husband) must talk about me enough to give Pops some sense of me, right?

But here's where I take heart -- FH once told me that Daddy-o advised him to give his brother's girlfriend the gift of soap for Christmas. The ladies love it, FFIL told his son. And sure enough, it's become my boy's go-to gift when he's running out of time to be creative. Because you know what? Soap sets are nice, despite what they could imply on some left-field level. (Maybe I'm just sensitive like that.)

Another plus: the quality of the soap sets has gotten better over the years. Last year, FFIL and his girlfriend got me the above gift set from Crabtree and Evelyn, and I loved it. I loved it so much that I held out on using it for as long as I could -- I've got one bar left.

And...I haven't gotten soap and only soap in at least two years, a reflection that we've gotten better acquainted over the years. Pops is a big-time gourmet and he knows I consider myself a budding foodie. So he showed some love and gifted me some of his fave cooking condiments, including Stonewall Kitchen's Roast Garlic Onion Jam (despite what it sounds like, it tastes great!); Iron Chef's Orange Ginger Glaze; and a yummy cranberry mustard.

More importantly, FFIL has opened both his heart (and home) for me. His acceptance is a great gift and means more to me than any soap set.

So soap. It's an odd gift. It's a nice gift. But it's a gift, and the giving of a gift is a lovely gesture in and of itself.